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Episode 39/Transcript
Brittnay: Jesus Christ, Mackenzie, your New Year's party fucking blows. Mackenzie: Oh really, Britt, thanks, I hadn't noticed. Trisha: I don't know, this cheese plate is pretty good. Mackenzie: No, Trisha, the fact that there's nobody fucking here. This is what happens when you lose every member of the cheer squad except for an idiot and a girl who hates everyone that isn't herself. Trisha: She's just upset, you're not an idiot. Mackenzie: Goddammit, now I see how shitty parties are when you don't have any friends. Judith: Wow, Rach, what a great party! Rachel: Oh thanks Judith! Judith: Is anybody else coming? Rachel: No, I didn't invite anybody else. Judith: Cool, I didn't want any other dildos showing up anyway. Rachel: You ready for another episode of Gossip Girl? Judith: Why not, I'm not driving! Brittnay: I don't get it. Last year, this was the biggest party of the entire school year. Trisha: Yeah, there were so many people here. I remember I had to park all the way down on Westtring Street. Mackenzie: How could we have pissed off so many people in a year? Brittnay: Yeah, I mean, what was different then? (flashback) Steven: Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I present to you your 2012 Overland Park High School Winter Carnival Candy Cane Princess and the love of my life, Mackenzie Zales. Brittnay: Wow, Mackenzie, you arrived late to your own party just to make an entrance, huh? Mackenzie: What can I say Brittnay, I'm a showman. Blaine, you're looking very handsome tonight. Blaine: Oh, thanks! My new year's resolution this year is not to make any mistakes that have far reaching consequences for the rest of my life! Brittnay: Don't worry Blaine, as long as you're with me, I won't let you make any mistakes. And I don't plan on letting you go anytime soon. Ba doop boop. Blaine: Thanks, babe! Steven: A toast! To friendship! May the bond that binds ours last through the ages! Everyone: To friendship! Steven: By the by, have you all been introduced to the new foreign exchange student, Saison Margeurite? Brittnay: No, we haven't met yet. Hi, Brittnay Matthews. What was your name again? Saison: Oh, mon amie, my name is Saison Margeurite, I just moved here from Paris. Brittnay: Paris? Oh my God I love France! Blaine, isn't Saison fucking cool? Blaine: Yeah, she's alright I guess. Brittnay: No, Blaine, she's fucking cool. Say she's fucking cool. Blaine: You're pretty fucking cool, Saison. Saison: Oh, merci, Blaine. I like your necklace. Blaine: Thanks! It's from a shark! Brittnay: Oh my God, Saison, you are so cool. You and I are going to be like best friends. Oh my god! You totally need to join the cheer squad! Saison: Oh, Brittnay, I would love to be your, how do you say, best friend! Brittnay: Oh my God, she doesn't know even know how to speak the language. How adorable is that? Saison: If you will excuse me, I am going to help myself to some chips and, how do you say, dip. Brittnay: Blaine, go show her where the chips are. And get her anything she wants. Blaine: Alright, whatever you say. Jenna Darabond: Hey Mackenzie, congratulations on winning Candy Cane Princess. Jenna Dapananian: Yeah, staying up all night making those banners really paid off. Mackenzie: Aw, thanks you guys, well, you know what they say, a head cheerleader, is only as good as the squad she has under her. Speaking of which, make sure you say hi to our new rookie, Ashley. Jenna Darabond: Already did! God, she's so cute. Jenna Dapananian: Wait, we have a new squad member? Mackenzie: Well, yeah, after Taylor McDevitt transferred to God knows where, we had tryouts. Did we not tell you about that? Jenna Dapananian: Oh, weird, yeah, guess not. No problem, though. Just don't make a habit of it. Trisha: Ashley Katchadorian. Ashley: Uh, hey Trisha, how's it going? Trisha: Oh great, thanks. Listen, really excited to have you on the squad. I've been talking with Mackenzie and we've decided that you should be in charge of the snacks. Ashley: Oh, oh my god, oh wow really? I'd love to! Trisha: And who knows, if you're lucky maybe one day you'll get to be in charge of something like, the door to the girls' bathroom. Ashley: Oh, oh wow, I don't think I'll ever be ready for that kind of responsibility. Trisha: Oh don't worry, it's not that big of a deal. Ashley: Um, hey Trisha? Trisha: Yeah? Ashley: Is that guy Justin dating anyone right now? Trisha: Who, Justin Michaelson? Oh no, he's kind of the loser of the bunch. He never really has any girls after him. You can totally date him if you want to. Ashley: Oh cool! Cool cool! Trisha: By the way, don't mention his father. Just trust me. Ashley: Thanks! Brittnay: Oh my god Jennifer McMinnimen! Where the fuck have you been? Jennifer: Oh well, I've been in color guard this semester, so— Brittnay: Ooooh! Sorry. Jennifer: No, it's cool. Brittnay: Oh my God, have you met that new French girl? Jennifer: Saison? Brittnay: Yeah, French people are so cool! Jennifer: Umm... I hate to break this to you Britt, but she's not from France. Brittnay: She's not? Jennifer: Uh no, she tells everyone she's from France, but she's actually from Canada. Brittnay: Canada? Jennifer: Yeah, Montreal! Brittnay: Are you sure? Jennifer: Brittnay, when was the last time I told a lie? Brittnay: Third grade. Jennifer: Yeah, and that was to save a young boy's life. Brittnay: God, you know what, I'm pretty tolerant of most things, but if there's one thing that pisses me off, so much that I want to stab a baby, it's people that lie about their origin stories! Jennifer: Ugh, I totally know what you mean. So watch out for her. Brittnay: Thanks! I'll see you later. Jennifer: Probably not! Brittnay: God, Montreal, what a fucking— (present) Brittnay: Bitch! God, I fucking hate her. Deandra: Wow, you guys really suck. Trisha, Mackenzie, and Brittnay: Ahhh!!! Mackenzie: Deandra, when did you get here? Deandra: Oh I don't know, at some point during that seemingly endless speech about how you all ruined every relationship you've ever had in the course of a single year. God, you guys are fucking pathetic, you know? Brittnay: Oh really, Megatron, what about you? Deandra: What about me? I've been to four different Applebee's just this week! My life's great! Mackenzie: Yeah, but, where was your life at this time last year? Deandra: Well— (flashback) Deandra: A toast! To the best cheer squad in the great state of Kansas! And the best friends any girl could ever ask for! Tanya: And a toast! To the best head cheerleader any squad could ever ask for! Trisha 2: And a toast to... toast! It, it tastes good! Deandra: You're goddamn right it does. (present) Deandra: Oh my god, you're right. I was head cheerleader, I had shit-tons of friends. And now I've got two prosthetic limbs, I spend most of my time hanging out with a bunch of girls I don't even like, and to top it all off, there's nothing to eat. By the way, you're out of food. Mackenzie: Of course we are. Trish: Well, should we just toast to the new year? Brittnay: Sure to 2014, may it not totally fuck us in the ass! Deandra: Hey, you guys! I just found some uncooked cake batter in the fridge! Forget everything I said, my life is great! Just great! TV: Previously, on Gossip Girl... Judith: Man, what a crazy year it's been, Rach. Rachel: I know! So many things have changed! Judith: Yeah! Just think back to where we were a year ago. (flashback) TV: Previously, on Gossip Girl... Judith: Man, what a crazy year it's been, Rach. Rachel: I know! So many things have changed! Judith: Yeah! Just think back to where we were a year ago. (flashback) TV: Previously, on Gossip Girl... Rachel: Man, what a crazy year it's been, Judith.